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Accepter l’appel

A few weeks ago, the entire country was in turmoil because the president (Faure Gnassingbé), son of the former president, is already serving his third term. My Togolese friends say that “the president can not run the office more than two terms under their constitution.” A small peaceful town such as Mango was the site of intense violence. The first protest which I found myself (literally) in the midst of the protest!!!! (More info later on the blog)! 

We were pre-warned regarding the “planned protest” in Mango. Each house was allocated a “leader”, and they were given a “walkie-talkie” (just in case the phone network/power went out). The big bosses, the HOH directors and leaders decided to evacuate us from the “Minister’s House” because of the traffic issues and our safety reasons as our house is on the main road, we have to ride our bikes to the hospital every day, which is like 2 miles! So all the single ladies from the “Minister’s house” were put in the auction, and the Drakes (American Missionary couples) generously picked us and opened their doors for us. We felt like an orphanage looking for a perfect family to be taken care of.

So, Laura Davis (American), Laura Stephens (Irish), Jess (American) and I were hosted by the Drakes for the protest period. We can not thank the Drakes enough!!! They are a pro-active hard-working young couple with four children! They always host fun activities at their place like: “Single-game night” on the first Friday of each month. So, single people can hang out, play games, exchange numbers, get to know each other and stuff like that! However, there are way more single ladies missionaries here in Togo than single guys missionaries!! So, we end up exchanging numbers (females, of course) and plan our “ladies day out.” The Drakes have been so sweet and caring. They prepare us meals, drive us to work and pick us up, allow us to watch the telly; and they have a working warm shower, y’all!!   

So it was DAY 2 of the Mango Protest (20th September), and it was my DAY 3 OF 4 Long Days at the HOH! During this protest, many innocent victims were wounded with gunshots, including? A nine-year-old boy was shot and died during the anti-government political riots. More details on https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-41332072

The HOH was overwhelmed with the countless number of trauma victims, family members, and highly interested locals who just wanted to see what’s all the kerfuffle about. Local colleagues and missionaries jumped into triage and started the treatment ASAP! Security guards brought up protest victims with injuries from a machete, tear gas attacks, physical assaults, minor injuries like cuts, burns to potential pneumothorax!!! The presentations were remarkable, with the highest attendance recorded in the HOH history so far.  

There were no physical beds to keep all these patients. So we had to register these patients quickly. And guess what? 90% were born on 1st January but thankfully on different years! We have no luxury for printing out white or RED (Allergies warning) wristbands; we have to improvise what we have! So each patient was given a number which then was taped (Hypaband sticky tape) on their foreheads! (yes, and this WORKS too).

Some nurses were allocated to draw blood/ cannula. Some nurses were deligated to prepare drugs; others were deligated to administer medication (mostly IM tetanus, IM/IV antibiotics). We were treating patients on corridors such as suturing wounds, cleaning and dressing wounds, closing minor skin wounds with staples. Some patients were rushed to theatres, some needed transfusion, some, unfortunately, could not make it! That day (20th Spt 2017)- Many lives were lost and many were saved!!!

Everyone, from missionaries to local staff, came together and volunteered. Bless the teenagers’ missionaries hearts- they cleaned the trolleys back-to-back! They stayed with the patients for comfort! We taught these teenagers how to check and record vital signs! Everyone laboured so hard, we were all exhausted, but my heart was full of gratitude and contentment! Honestly, though, it felt like a holy spirit that fervently displayed within these teenagers, in which my heart swelled with pride.

Why should those of us who live in the west have access to nurses and doctors of every speciality when millions of children worldwide live their entire lives without meeting a medical professional? Yes, money can buy houses, expensive cars, but it can not buy love, can not buy freedom, it can not buy free spirit! Apostle Paul writes a letter to a young Timothy encouraging him to live a contentment life. Paul writes, “For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.” 1 Timothy 6:7-8. We have received a gift that must be given away.

We have isolated ourselves from a beautiful world that God has created. These urbanised societies have filled our minds and souls with luxurious but meaningless things. Our modern lifestyle has made us unnecessary busy seeking satisfaction on business success, wealth, charity works, good relationships, etc. I, too, was blindfolded, in a constant race with the world, trying to satisfy my hungry soul with worldly pleasures. Even though I had a reliable job with a decent income, a loving family, a beautiful home, a sweet church, faithful friends, I still felt a deep void within myself. I would replace my emptiness with a Ted-Baker purse, Michael Kors bags, Chanel lipstick, Gucci perfume, Mac Foundations, latest gadgets and DKNY watch; always wanting more one worldly thing to another but was never enough! I worked hard. I worked in a busy London training hospital King’s!! I was working in ITU, on my days off, I would work as an agency nurse in posh clinics in Central London. I worked in Harley street clinics, oncology wards in London bridge clinics, outpatient clinics, literally wherever I got shifts. I saved up this extra money to go on holiday, to buy new gadgets in the market. The more I chased after my worldly pleasures, and the more my soul was miserably dry. While I achieved my goals, money and pleasures, there was still a feeling of emptiness that nothing seemed to fill my sunken soul. Feeling like something was missing, something lacking, something big, something important, then I was in a quest of finding that “something”. After constant searching, stumbling, disappointments, being lost, carrying doubts and questioning God. It was an endless merry go round just like how Dave Ramsey says, “We buy things we don’t need with money we don’t have to impress people we don’t like.” I felt the need to get away from it all, and I had an urge to run away far-far- far away. Runaway from 12 hours shifts, run away from the everyday routine and run away from a modern lifestyle.

Mango has not always rainbows and bursts of sunshine. I have seen hard days with a lack of staff, A&E over flooded with sick patients all at once. By the grace of God, there are so many witnessed Muslims who have converted to Christians but have to hide their new identity from their family and friends as Mango is a high Muslim influenced town. According to Luke 10:2, I can see that there are so many things to be done clinically and spiritually here in Mango, but there are not enough missionaries. Mango is raw, real and challenging, but overcoming these challenges with God fearing-loving, hard-working colleagues is rewarding. I am so proud of all the missionaries, locals and I cannot be more than happier to be here at this time!

I can not deny that it is tough for me to be away from all the loved ones, especially times like this chaotic period but I also feel like the need here in Mango is greater than my fleshly desires. So I should just put my wishes and desires aside and start following what he tells me to do because I know God knows the best and has the final saying. While working in the remote parts of Togo, I have encountered many tragic cases, but even during these chaotic moments, God has done miracles. Life here in Mango is not a smooth sailing experience but just being here, watching what God has been doing, witnessing all the changes in the community, patients and within my heart is beyond what I can explain!

After the protest, my heart was unsettled, and I had been contemplating either staying or leaving. I had just finished my devotion, while Laura Davis joined me, and we both shared how we were both feeling as we were leaving Togo soon. My flight back to London was due on 30th September, and Laura D was leaving for Tsiko (another sister hospital of HOH) in Kpalimé, then another trip to East Africa (specific mission and countries I am not allowed to write), but deep down we both felt our jobs here was still have not finished, we felt our missions were still not complete! So we were not ready to leave Mango just yet! So we both prayed for our decisions, prayed for guidance!  

I feel God was nudging me toward this extended mission field. I think this is the perfect God’s calling for me to do some extended mission work while I am still single and not working. I think this is a grand God’s plan, and it’s an excellent opportunity to learn and fall in love with Jesus and glorify his love in my singleness. I believe that God has given everyone a gift, and I want to use my gift to serve him. For the past few days, my heart was swinging back and forth; I was in a constant dilemma and trying to decide on many different voices. I needed clear guidance from God, and I started praying and reading the scriptures. It happened that my morning bible chapter is on St. Luke; thus, he spoke to me by the chapters of Luke 8-12!

These chapters were an eye-opener and he truly emphasis/ and he CLEARLY INSTRUCTS what he wants me to do.

Luke 8:1 [Preaching the good news about the kingdom of God.]

Luke 8:15 [But the ones that fell on the good ground are those who, having heard the word with a noble and good heart, keep it and bear fruit with patience.]

Luke 9:1-6 [ He talks about sending disciples in the mission, giving them authority to heal the sick and preach the gospel.]

As I was reading through the scriptures, there was an explicit instruction on what I should do with the rest of my stay in Mango when he talks about a good Samaritan; Luke 10:25-37.

A few days later, me and Laura D finished our work and were riding our bikes to get home together. On the way home, we both wanted to share our decisions! We said it OUT LOUD……TOGETHER!!!!!…. I AM STAYING!!!! YEAAAHHHH!!!!!! We both shouted WE ARE STAYING!!!!!! We both were soo happy, and I felt we both were filled with a holy spirit at that time! We were over the moon! Me and Laura D decided that we should extend our visas together! We wasted no time. We went to our one and only local photo studio and took our glamorous passport photos 😀 I admit that I looked awful in that photo (sweaty face with no make-up, uneven and overgrown eyebrows, overdyed hair, dry lips not chapped (do not want to attract dust and dirt)! But believe it, or not this photo is one of my “prettiest” photos so far because- my heart is content!!!  

“Life is what you make it” every day, you are given a choice- to choose what it is that you want this life to be. To wake up early, stay up late at night, stay positive or negative, love or hate, make or break, but this is also true- not every day is as crystal clear as it should be! Some days are foggy, cloudy, and sometimes you are aimless, but perhaps you just need to silence your mind, take heed of your inner voice, take a leap of faith, and accept your calling! When I look behind and reflect how all my decisions have directed me on different paths, some hard and some easy, there were blessings on disappointments but with all incredible life lessons…… I, therefore, am full of gratitude for where I am today!

In Mango, everything is limited. We often rewatch the same movies and listen to the same song repeatedly. I was encouraged to write this blog by this song from The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (The Call- by Regina Spektor). I feel that this song resonates with the current conflicting feelings.

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Life in Mango

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Busy Locals

After a long 9 hours of a journey from Lomé, I finally arrived in Mango (28th August, Monday). I travelled on my own by a local bus which made frequent stops. Different scenarios were playing on my head on the way to my new home. I arrived in Mango in the afternoon in my trouser (there is a strict rule on how to get dressed). I should have read that prospectus “before arriving in Mango”. I was told that this was my stop and the driver’s assistant pulled off my luggage in the middle of the road, and the bus departed. I was on my own- WTH! I have never been on my own in Africa!! I tried calling my contacts which I was given. None of them picked up at that moment; I started to make my way…… to where… ?left ?right ?north ?south…? ahead? Which way is it??! Locals started noticing and tried speaking with me. I then tried to reply in my limited poor French; I asked them, ” où est l’hôpital de l’espoir?” but with my bad accent and poor French, the locals struggled to understand.
Also, there are many tribes; rich in their languages, cultures, beliefs, and traditions. I tried speaking in English, hoping there was someone who could help me. A young guy did answer, but again, with his limited English, I struggled a lot. We were lost in translation- in English!!!

I then received a call from Susan (Lead Nurse Facilitator) saying she was on her way to pick me up. I was so relieved and funny enough she was there. She looked at me and asked if I had read the hospital’s policy booklet. She asked me to hop on her jeep, and she drove me to my new home,” Minister’s House.”

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Game night with missionaries at Minister’s House aka “Beyoncé’s House” because all the ladies here are single 😛

I, later on, found out why she asked me that question- I arrived in Mango in my trousers (not that it is forbidden), but this community is very conservative and wearing a trouser does not look modest (at least what we are told!). So there instant was a first- Red strike !! Ooooops!!!!Sorry!!!
I started to feel poorly from the day I arrived; from day 2 in Mango, I developed diarrhoea, increased lethargy, nausea, insomnia, had nightmares. This is the second time in Togo where I have been very ill. My housemates were very caring; they prayed for me, cooked, and checked on me now and then. They advised me to check myself in the hospital- but nurses do not want to do that, right? I gave myself a diagnosis:- Heat Exhaustion, food poisoning and nightmares- (maybe a side effect of doxy I had been taking for malaria prevention). I was all well and recovered by 2nd September.

I first heard of Mango from an American Missionary living in Lomé while still volunteering in PDH. She said there was a newly built hospital, and they were looking for volunteers, missionaries. I got interested mainly because it was an opportunity that resonated with my profession. Later on, I found out that this was the same hospital that my lovely kiwi friend Miriam (in 2016) asked me if I would be interested in and proposed that I tag along with her in the future. 

I pictured Mango as a very relaxed tropical place with greenery, lush and full of Mango trees. However, the reality could not be further from the truth as I discovered that Mango was total the opposite of how I had imagined. Mango is raw, overwhelming and very challenging. Mango is very dry, humid and very hot. I have been experiencing hard, tough, frustrating days [ in clinical settings and personal levels]. In Lomé, there was a completely different lifestyle. People are more open, educated and accept the modern lifestyle. Mango is very different- it has a tightly knitted community, everyone knows everyone, highly influenced by strict Muslim beliefs, young girls are often given for marriage to older men. It is prevalent for a man to have multiple wives. Togolese are Animists; they greatly influence voodoo culture (even though it is Muslim). People do not come to the clinic, hospital unless they can no longer treat by a shaman or Voodoo magic. 

We have witnessed parents bringing their critically unwell children, often babies taking their last breaths, and we have even seen babies dead on arrival. It is heartbreaking when parents beg missionaries health professionals to bring them back to life. We are just humans (just like them) broken, exhausted, weary and vulnerable.  

On my first night shift, I was just handed over and checked on my patients. I heard people rushing and shouting “Code Blue” I had NO IDEA what code blue was!! Okay, if I have not mentioned this hospital earlier, I apologise. Americans build this hospital- in the States, “Code Blue” means a medical emergency/ immediate resuscitation, for example, cardiac arrest. 

One first RIP baby (a few days old), we wrapped him with the hospital sheet, and the doctor handed the baby to his mother (younger than me). The mother holds her cold, still, dead baby in her hands. She was still as a rock- no emotions shown at all……. I was very shocked! The scene was so painful to watch. You could hear many babies from that unit crying, apart from hers! Every single time other babies cried, my heart pierced one more time; it was just unbearable.

 In this culture, they believe that Allah forbids them to cry when someone dies because if you do cry, you are questioning Allah. So, therefore, you are saying that Allah is making a mistake!

The mother did not cry; she was there- motionless, her dead baby on her lap. I was there with my heavy heart, unable to utter a word; only our eyes were communicating a million words that we could not speak! I was with her silently, trying to support her: tears rolling down my cheeks, my nose producing an excess amount of bubbles, blowing nose frequently. At first, I felt like maybe I was offending their culture, their beliefs, and I feared that if they believed that because I cried, this child would not enter heaven. Of course, I do not believe it is true, but I feared that maybe I was delivering that kind of message! Either I had to remain like a Robot- with no human emotions, carry out working or holding this young mother showing my sincere condolence. What could someone do in this situation? I gave this mum a big, tight hug and prayed silently in my heart for this beautiful baby’s soul. That night was the first night of many I encountered children deaths. 

I remember Deborah (older missionary) comforted me; she said one beautiful phrase, “When God squeeze your heart, you will bring out your emotion- tears.” And crying, weeping is okay! It is okay! Letting your tears out is natural; it is the human response to overwhelming emotions. Even Jesus himself showed an example of these emotions as he wept in front of his beloved friend Lazarus tomb.  

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Even though Mango is very remote, poor and dusty, it is also one of the prettiest places on Earth to see a bit of God’s beautiful plan. Moreover, what an excellent opportunity to participate in his grand plan!
We have shared emotional journeys, we have witnessed heartbreaking stories, but yet again, we have encountered wonders in the west! I feel like this is it! This is my calling! This is my destiny!! I feel content!!